The Perks of South Park
by AnitsynRaquel
Summary: Aside the chaos and ruckus that goes on in South Park, The folks that live in the town have actual normal lives. A series of oneshots of funny [or not] things that happen when this quiet, redneck, pissant mountain town isn't going through hell.
1. Pissed Off Clyde

The boys, namely Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Token and Tweek, were all chatting beside one of South Park Elementary's water fountains. Currently, Kenny was drinking out of the fountain.

Craig and Clyde walk over to them, Clyde stifling giggles. It's Stan who notices them first. "Hey guys."

Clyde holds in a laugh. "He-ey, Guys." They all looked at each other than back at him.

"What's so funny?" Kyle asked.

"Craig and I came up with some funny jokes." Clyde smiled at Craig. "You guys want to hear?"

Stan shrugged. "Sure."

"O-okay, so why did the girl fall off her swing?"

"I dunno, why?" Token asked. Clyde turned to looked expectant for him to answer.

"Someone threw a fridge at her." He said in his monotone voice.

Clyde frowned. "Noo! That's not what you were suppose to say!" He was frustrated but Craig didn't look like he gave a fuck.

"Okay, let's try again." Clyde turned back to his audience. "Why did gramps climb the phone pole with bananas in his backpack?" Everyone looked at Craig.

"Because He has debilitating disease. He slowly loosing touch with reality."

"Nooo!" Clyde stomped his foot. "You weren't suppose to say that!" This earned a few chuckles from the group.

"One more time. Craig, Knock knock?"

"Who's there."

"Dave."

"Dave who?" Clyde smiled.

"Dave M-"

"Dave proceeds to break into tears as Alzheimer's progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him." Craig interrupted, his face completely blank.

"GODDAMIT CRAIG!" Clyde yelled at him. "You want to be like that! Fine! Make up you own jokes!"

The boys laughed whole heartily, more at Clyde's frustration than at the jokes.

"Fine." Craig said, " What's worse than finding an worm in your apple."

"W-wah- why?" Kyle chuckled.

"The Holocust."

Kyle face immediately twisted up into anger. "Hey!"

"PHAHAHAHAHA!" Cartman Laughed.

"Shut up Fatass!" Kyle yelled at him, jabbing a finger onto his shoulder.

"HAHAHAHAHA, I did Nazi that coming! HAHA!" Cartman was doubling over.

"Bro, it wasn't that funny.." Stan said, eyeing Cartman.

Cartman continued laughing, rolling on the floor, clutching his stomach and Clyde stormed off.

* * *

><p><strong><em>[During breakfast, out of no where:]<em>**

_Hey, How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub?_ :**RAQUEL**

**ANITSYN**: _What_?!

17:**RAQUEL**

**ANITSYN**: ...

17 babies. :**RAQUEL**

**_[And so, ANITSYN lost her appetite.] _**


	2. Professor Chaos

_Professor Chaos had done his worst. No body was going to stop him. No body would be able to stop him. He was going to bring terror to millions and he was going to relish the sound of their screams. _

"Hey, Butters. Have you seen our game consoles?" Stan asked. The other three boys were spread around the Marsh resident in search of that one item. Kenny was wordlessly looking in small places or under furniture. Kyle was lifting the sofa cushions and peering under them with a frown. Cartman was sitting on his ass on the couch and loudly munching on his cheesy poofs. He wasn't helping whatsoever.

Professor Chaos was on the couch as well in his villain costume. He had his hands crossed over his chest and he wore a smirk.

"N-no." He replied. He wasn't used to lying and Stan was right in front of him staring him down. But he kept his stance all the same. "And my name isn't Butters" He used his deep voice. "It's Professor Chaos." He lifted his arm in the air as he said it. Stan's face remained blank. "No, you're not." He replied simply.

In the background, Kyle was shouting at the Cartman for his lack of cooperation, accusing him of being fat. "I am helping." Cartman said and he lifted the bag of chips. "Who's going to finish these? They're due to expire tomorrow!" Kyle threw his hands up in the air and he continued to bicker.

_Professor Chaos knew that they would never be able to find the objects. He had hid them where they would never find them. He was going to enjoy watching them suffer._

"Butters, just tell us where they are." Stan didn't seemed irked the least bit. He was cool as a cucumber.

"Professor Chaos will never tell you where they are!" He jumped down from his couch and put his fists to his sides, lifting up his chest proudly.

Kyle and Cartman were still arguing behind them. The heated conversation transitioned into a little tug of war between the chips. This interested Kenny, causing him to stop his searching and join in.

"You do." Stan's tone indicated that he had already known. "Okay give it to us."

Chaos tilted his head back and let out an evil laugh. "I'm afraid not." He said.

Kenny had his arms over Kyle's waist, helping him pull the chips from Cartman's chubby fingers. The fat boy used his own strength and he seemed to be overpowering the two.

Stan's eyebrows (black straight lines) hung over his eyes as he looked at the blonde. "What."

_Professor Chaos noticed that he disturbed the boy a tiny bit. His plan was working._

"I've hid the controller somewhere you'll never find it!" Chaos smirked once again.

Behind them, the brawl escalated. The two opposite forces finally teared the bag in half, cheesy poofs flew everywhere. Kyle gaped at the mess.

"You hid the controller." Stan repeated. His three friends turned to Stan upon hearing those words.

"Haha yes!" Butters crossed his arms over his chest in triumph. The three boys walked over to Stan side, mimicking Stan's expression. "What are you going to dare do about it?"

They all looked at him.

* * *

><p>The front door slammed in Butters face, much to the boy's dismay. He turned his back to the door and looked at the ground with his shoulders slumped.<p>

"Oh Hamburgers..."

* * *

><p><em>I find Professor Chaos trying to act evil very funny<em>. **:RAQUEL**

**ANITSYN: **_And I find Butters to be forever adorable_


	3. Wendell

Ding dong

"I'm coming!" Bebe called. Taking two steps at a time, the blonde bounded down her staircase and she hurried to the front door of her home. Her door let out a low whine as it opened, showing her the view of her best friend, Wendy. She looked down and visibly gloomy. Her shoulders were slumped.

"What's wrong, Wendy?" Bebe asked. She held concern for her friend.

"May I come in..?" Was all Wendy said.

"Sure..sure.." Bebe moved aside and Wendy walked in, her eyes never leaving the ground.

"Can we go upstairs..?" Wendy asked. Bebe nodded once and they both silently went to her room.

Once inside, Bebe closed the door and she sat by Wendy on her pink bed. She kept quiet and waited for Wendy to tell her what's wrong, knowing full well that she would eventually.

"Am I..pretty..?" Wendy kept her eyes on her hands when she asked her this. Bebe positioned herself comfortably, tucking her legs under her, so she was facing Wendy. "No!" Bebe was alarmed. She put her hand on her best friend's shoulder. "You're beautiful! Why would you think you're ugly?!"

Wendy tugged a strand of her hair. "I...I mean...All the boys always pay attention to you..Even Stan...I thought maybe I wasn't.." Wendy frowned and trailed off. Bebe understood immediately.

She smiled. "You want to get guys to look at you, Wendy?" She placed both her hands on Wendy's shoulders. "Leave that to me."

* * *

><p>The four boys sat in the snow. Today, all the boy felt like doing was sitting on the ground, doing nothing. They weren't bored exactly, but relaxed. Kenny was on his stomach, Stan was sitting with his legs crossed, Kyle had one leg bent and the other stretched out and Cartman was laying down. They were all watching the cars pass by. A green car sped passed.<p>

"56." Kyle said. "That's four points for me."

"I thought you saw 54?" Stan asked, lazily turning his head to look at his friend.

Kyle shrugged.

Just then, Wendy was walking on the sidewalk in front of them. Except, she didn't look like Wendy. Her hair was tucked under her beret and she wore cut off denim vest and a white shirt.

All of the boys gapped at her as she passed by.

Once her back was to them, only Kenny said anything.

"(Dude.)"

A small smile graced Wendy's lips.

* * *

><p><strong><span>ANITSYN<span>**: Oh Bebe_. _

_"Bro, Your girlfriend swings for the same team"! _**:RAQUEL**


	4. Kenny

It was lunch time for the McCormick's. Kenny was the only one eating an orange carrot at their dinner table. His mother was napping from a hard nights work and his father was out doing God knows what. Kenny could care less where his brother was at that time. His little sister was outside, in the backyard, giggling at whatever was amusing here now. So it was just Karen and himself. Kenny took a bite out of his carrot, releasing a loud crunch. He took a moment to chew and blankly stare. The sun rays outside glared down, blinding him everytime he looked at the screen door so he mostly had his head down, tracing the pattern of the wooden surface.

He heard a squeal of giggles. He looked up, his hand shading his eyes. He could make out the faint out line of Karen's brown hair. She had been laughing and giggle loudly and Kenny was starting to get curious. This time he decided to actually find out what was going on. He left his carrot on the table and trekked toward the screen door. He opened it swiftly and immediately caught sight of his sister. She was bent down, scooping up mud with a pail and shovel.

"(Hey sis.)" Kenny greeted her. She stood up and smiled at him. "Hey, Kenny!" She grabbed the handle on the pail and lifted for him to see. "Guess what we're doing!"

He briefly looked into the red pail and it's murky brown contents before catching on to her words. He raised an eyebrow. "(We?)" He questioned

Karen nodded, casting her eyes on something behind him. He turned around. Butters was on the ground too and he playing with the mud as well. His face and clothes were caked with mud and when Kenny looked back at his sister, he saw that she was too. "(W-what are you guys doing)?"

She giggled and skipped over to Butters. Butters looked up at Karen and smiled. "(Hey! You didn't answer my question!)" Butters glanced at Kenny, his smile growing wider. "Hiya Kenny! We're makin' mudpies!" He lifted his hands to show the stacks of mud shaped into patties.

Kenny cocked an eyebrow once again. "(Mudpies?)" Karen nodded. "It's Chef Butters specially!" Kenny walked toward them, curious to know more.

"You're in luck, Kenny. I've just about have my first batch ready!" Butters said, patting his stack. Karen sat down next to him and set aside her tools. "(Wait, you don't want me to actually eat them?)" He laughed, only half joking.

The two laughed along, "No, silly!"said Butters. Kenny was relieved. He knew, with Karen's presence, he wouldn't have the heart to turn them down. "You can't eat a raw mudpie." 'W-wait, what?' Kenny thought, confused.

Suddenly serious, Butters told Karen to bring out the oven. Kenny watched his sister run off into their house. He was about to go after her because, for a second, he though she was actually going to bring out an oven. Karen proved him wrong because instead, she brought back a boot. A rain boot.

Kenny was lost.

She placed it in the middle, between Butters and herself. Butters gingerly grabbed a mudpie and carefully placed it inside the boot. Then, Karen clasped the boot and shook it up and down. She made childish machine noises and then, a 'ding'.

Karen smiled at Kenny as Butters put the mudpie in front of him. The thing had a twig sticking out and he thought he saw a rollypolly wedged in there. Not to mention the fact it's been inside an old yellow rain boot. "(You can't seriously expect me to eat this.)" He looked at the two individually. "(Seriously.)"

Butters smile quickly disappeared. "I-is it no good?" He started to look timid, his fists knocking together. Kenny frowned. He didn't mean to offend the guy. Looking at her, Karen didn't look any happier. Kenny knew that he should at least try to eat it- or he could act like it.

"(Okay, okay.)" He sighed," (Fine.)" Taking a deep breath, Kenny took the mudpie. Butters and Karen gazed at him, expectantly. Kenny opened his mouth and-

"(Nom nom nom.)" Kenny rubbed his belly. "Hey!" Karen said, pointing a finger at him. "You didn't eat it!"

"(Uh, Yeah I did.)" He argued. Butters grinded his fists together and looked at his knees. "W-we saw you throw behind your b-back." Kenny let out a huff.

"(Fine.)"

Repeating the process again with a new mudpie, Kenny grabbed the mudpie once more. This time, the two were looking at him intently and Kenny knew he couldn't get out of this one. He peered at the icky mess. 'Its not that bad.' Kenny thought to himself. 'Besides, you've eaten worst.'

With that in mind, Kenny opened his mouth and he took a bite.

* * *

><p>Satan towered the outstretched line of the newly dead. He had a checklist in hand, marking off all the ones that stepped forward in his kingdom in Hell. A lanky pale brunette teenager came up to the red beast. "Cause of death?" He asked. "The gang dared me to do the cinnamon challenge." The guy replied. He looked at the ground and muttered more to himself than to other, "Wrong move, man." Satan pointed to the right. "You may enter." He said. The guy walked away. 'Gosh, people don't die like they used to' Satan thought as he looked after him.<p>

"Cause of death?" He said to the boy in the Orange parka. "Oh-oh Hey, Kenny." Satan instantly recognized him, seeing as he died ever other week. "How did you die this time?"

Kenny looked pissed off. "(Mudpie.)" He growled.

* * *

><p><strong>ANITSYN: <strong>_Darn those mudpies! _

_Damn them to Hell :_**RAQUEL**


	5. Token

"And then, she sat on the shit! PWHAHAHAHA!" Cartman laughed at his little story. The rest of the boys at his lunch table weren't interested. Kyle let out a 'mmhm' while the others focused on their food.

Suddenly, Token dramatically entered the cafeteria. The doors opened with a loud 'bang', startling many of the students. He rushed to their table and he squeezed in, panting. They all looked at him. "Dude..Wassup?" Stan said.

"Oh- j-just late for lunch." He replied casually. Token didn't usually do anything out of the ordinary so they took his word for it and went back to what they were doing before.

"So, anyway" Cartman babbled. "She was sitting there for two whole freakin minutes and she didn't even-"

"Did you guys get your Christmas presents yet?" Token interrupted. Cartman glared at him for doing just that.

"No." Clyde picked at his spaghetti. "It's not Chritmas yet, remember?" He said it in a 'duh' like tone.

"Oh."

A beat

"Annnyway, she sat there and didn't even notice! I told her-"

"You guys want to see mine?" Token asked.

"No, we don't want to see _yours_." Cartman said rudely. "Anyway-"

"Y-you got y-your p-pre-sant GAH! E-rly?" Tweek stuttered. Cartman looked so mad that his eyebrows were knitted together into a 'V'. The rest tuned in, clearly interested.

"Yup." Token reached under the table and whipped out a helicopter. He placed it on the table for all to see. The boys leaned in admiring the toy's sleek polish and thin tail.

"Dude! That's the freaking Areo 23.0!" Kyle exclaimed. "That costed like more than $400!"

"I know." Token smiled. "And I got it. Let's go play with it outside." Everybody hurriedly dumped their half-eaten meals into the nearest trash can and they all made their way to the back doors, Token in tow. Cartman was left all alone at the table. The guys cleared out and Cartman was left with his plate of fish sticks to keep him company. "Weeak."

* * *

><p>The boys piled up on the blue dome jungle gym. Those lucky enough to come there first were blessed to be on top with a good view and an opportunity to get a turn controlling the helicopter.<p>

As Stan was trying to steer, Clyde called out to Butters, "That's great. Keep going. Don't stop!" Below him, Kenny chuckled.

Butters, who was out on the field a few feet away, was jumping and running, trying his darn hard to catch the toy. "Okay!" Butters called back. He stuck out his tongue and jumped once more, failing once again as Stan dodged him just in time.

The boys in the distance all laughed. "That's it!" Clyde yelled, trying his hardest to contain his laughter. "Y-you gettin' there!" Stan let the helicopter fall down just enough. Butters lunged at it again and again Stan was out of reach. Butters fell on his arse and this caused an eruption of laughter.

* * *

><p><span><strong>ANITSYN<strong>:_ Poor Butters  
><em>

_Heh heh heh _**:RAQUEL**


	6. Randy

The boys' fathers, Mr. Marsh, Mr. McCormick, Mr. Broflovski and Mr. Tucker were all standing together sipping on some beer. They were on a sidewalk, somewhere in town, away from their family's and the stress of their jobs.

"He wasn't dumb, just retarded. You know?" Randy said, looking at each of them. "That guy has some major problems."

"I agree." Thomas nodded. "Guy can't take a joke."

"I'd hack the company if they ripped on me." Stuart replied, downing the last of his beer. He scrunched up the can and threw it on the ground before grabbing for another.

"Uh, C'mon. That's a bit overboard. It was a joke." Randy argued. Stuart simply opened the can and took a sip.

"Yeah, I guess _dictators_ can't get a little satire." Gerald rolled his eyes.

Before Randy could argue again, he saw a wandering goose on the sidewalk parallel to them. He froze, his eyes trained on it. The other men looked at him. "W-what are you looking at?" Gerald said, following his eyes.

"Shhh.." Randy put his finger to Gerald's mouth. Gerald looked at his finger weirdly. The goose kept waddling down the sidewalk. At the end of the sidewalk, another goose was taking a stroll too. His grey shiny feathers glimmered in the sunlight and he had his beak up in the air, like a snob. All of the men were looking at them now.

The white goose eventually collided with the grey one. The grey one fell down. Outraged, the grey goose got up and pecked the white one left and right.

"Whoa-_ho_!" Stuart exclaimed, grinning madly.

The white goose squawked loudly, catching the attention of a few bystanders. Finally, the grey goose let up and he backed off. He turned to leave, seeing as he had done what he had intended but the white goose got up and lunged at him. The two started pecking, squawking and overall, making a big commotion. Feathers flew everywhere and people started circling around the birds, eager to watch, including Randy, Stuart, Thomas and Gerald.

The birds took a break from their fighting and they started slowly circling each other, watching each other's every move. "Let 'im have it, Grey!" Thomas shouted.

"Beat that poultry!"

"Peck it's brains out!"

"Pluck his feathers!"

Everyone started shouting, some rooting for the grey and others for the white. After a while, it was the White that started the brawl over again and the crowd loved it. Bets were waged and it was Randy who started the chant.

"GOOSE FIGHT! GOOSE FIGHT! GOOSE FIGHT!"

* * *

><p>"Ooooh Sharon!" Randy called. He shut his front door and enter the home, practically skipping into the kitchen. "What is it Randy?" Sharon's tired voice rang out. She was chopping some carrots, with her back turned to Randy. Randy stood at the kitchen door way. "Ooooh Sharon! Look what I got!"<p>

Sharon turned around and gasped at the sight of Randy holding a bloody grey dead goose by its legs.

"I brought home dinner!"

* * *

><p><strong><span>ANITSYN<span>**: The beginning reminds me of King of the Hill

Hmm, it does. :**RAQUEL**

**ANITSYN**: Yeah..

Sing the theme song with me!

Huh? :**RAQUEL**

**ANITSYN**: Dundundunadundundundunaduna dun

Uh..dun :**RAQUEL**

**ANITSYN**: Dun Dun

Dun Dun :**RAQUEL**

**ANITSYN**: dunaduna

Dun :**RAQUEL**

**ANITSYN**: dun da :D


	7. Kyle's Cookies

"NOOOO" Kyle screamed, clutching a bag of cookies to his chest protectively. He ran down the street, passing an absentminded Stan and a bored Cartman in the process.

"GIVE ME A COOKIE" Kenny, his orange parka friend yelled after him. He too was running down the street, chasing Kyle.

"NEVER!" Kyle bellowed over his shoulder. Kenny passed the two friends, who seemed perfectly unfazed. They were waiting at the bus stop, watching the chase.

Kyle ran further down the empty street. When he turned his head around to take a peek,he was very surprised to see Kenny gaining tremendous speed. He yelped and made a sharp U-turn. Kenny skid to a shaky stop. He whipped his head around to glare at the already fleeting jewish boy. "I WILL GET A COOOKIE!"

With that, Kenny raced extremely fast. Passed Stan and Cartman and straight to Kyle. "AHHHHH"

* * *

><p>Stan, who was texting the whole time, finally looked up from his iPhone. Kyle was laying on the ground, flat on his stomach. Kenny, however, was on top of Kyle, sitting right on his back. Kyle was banging his fists and kicking his legs, shouting at the boy in the orange parka happily munching on his mothers homade cookies.<p>

Kenny 1. Kyle 0.

* * *

><p><strong><span>ANITYSN<span>**: Can't stop Kenny from dem cookies

Kenny can't be stopped :**RAQUEL**


	8. Wrapping Paper

Stan sat on the steps on his front porch. He had his hands on his cheeks and his elbows propped on his knees. The sun was just peaking in the horizon. It was too early in the morning for Stan and he felt tired. He didn't even change into his regular clothes. He had his Terrance and Phillip pjs and his coat loosely worn on him. It was lightly snowing.

Kyle strolled in front of him, wearing his pjs too.

"Dude, what are you doing? It's 5 in the morning." Kyle asked, sitting next to him.

Stan's frown deepened. "Ask my Dad." He said. Kyle cocked an eyebrow.

Stan sighed. "I'm waiting for the newspaper."

"..why?" Kyle asked, looking at him.

"My dad wants to use it for something. I don't know what."

"Well that sucks." Kyle said. Stan simply yawned.

* * *

><p>"Randy! We have perfect wrapping paper here!" Sharon yelled at him. They were both in the living room. Randy was trying to frantically wrap a newspaper around a very large box. Obviously, that wasn't working out well for him. "No no Sharon! My dad used to do this all the time."<p>

"Randy!" She yelled.

* * *

><p><strong><span>ANITSYN:<span>** Ah, Randy. Always holding on to the past.

I actually want to see someone do that :**RAQUEL**


	9. Little Shelly

**We thank you for favoriting/following and for the review! We love writing in general and to know others like our work too, it means a lot! You know? Well anyway, To those who celebrate it, we hope you have a Merry Christmas!**

* * *

><p>"Look at the camera, Shelley!" Randy said, literally shoving the camera at her face. Six-year old Shelly grimaced at the camera, clearly unhappy. It was Christmas and the Randy was trying to get a good shot at his little girl opening her presents. The video had a 'Rec •' image in red on one corner and the date on the other.<p>

"Shelley! Smile for the camera, Shelley!"

She sat criss-crossed under the tree in her night gown. A present, wrapped in newspaper, was set inbetween her legs.

The camera zoomed in to her small face.

"Randy!" Sharon said, her tone disapproving. The camera zoomed outwards. To Sharon, she said,"Shelly open your present, okay?"

Little Shelly looked from her mom to the camera and then to her mom, her messy pigtails swaying to and fro. "Fine!" She growled. Even at six, she seemed grouchy as ever.

Frowning, Shelly reluctantly ripped the newspaper wrapping. One by one wisps of newspaper littered the floor.

The camera zoomed in to Shelly opening the box. "Oooh!" Sharon cooed. "Look what you got!"

Shelly reached into the box and popped out a 'Pretty Princess Puke-a-lot Penny'. She stared it for a long time, her frown deepening.

"Smile, Smile for the camera, Shelley!" Randy yelled.

"Don't you like it, Shelly?" Sharon asked, ignoring her husband.

"NO!" She bellowed. "I didn't want a Puking Penny!"

Sharon looked to the camera with worry lines creasing her forehead. "I DIDNT WANT A STINKIN PENNY." Shelly shouted even louder. She looked at the camera and grabbed the package. Sharon got up from her chair saying "Nononono." as Shelly threw the package right at the camera. It fell down, catching distorted images of the living room and the carpet before the video when black.

* * *

><p><strong><span>ANITSYN<span>**: I think Shelly has always been on her period.

Since day one :**RAQUEL**


	10. DogPoo

"Loo loo I got some apples, Loo loo you got some too."

Butters gripped the shovel and scrapped the snow on his yard. There were few days when his little mountain town had this much snow. It usually never piled higher than his knees. But it was winter after all and Butters didn't think much of it. It was only this morning, right after breakfast, that his parents (mostly his father) had threatened him to go shovel out the driveway or he was grounded. The usual. So, at the moment, Butters was singing his little song to pass the time.

"Loo loo let's get together so we can Loo loo loo."

Butters heaved a huge amount of snow over his should. Exhausted, Butters wiped his brow with smile. He was proud of how much he had accomplished in the last four hours. Just about a quarter of the total amount. That was a lot for Butters!

Butters stabbed the ground with his shovel, ready to plow again. Right then, he saw his classmate DogPoo walking along the sidewalk, leaving a dirt trail behind him. Butters waved and he waved back.

Butters looked at him as he kept walking. 'Oh golly. You'd think that, with all the snow he was strolling through, his feet would at least be washed out.' He looked the trail of dirt and the muddy brown snow he left behind.

"Butters! Why have you stopped working!"

"Gah!" Butters jumped in fright and he quickly began shoveling again. "Sorry!"

* * *

><p>I can't be the only one who wished DogPoo was more involved in the show :<strong><span>RAQUEL<span>**

**ANITSYN**: I know! He and like a janitor in the school could be enemies


	11. Mr Kitty

The boys were all sitting down on Cartman's big couch, comfortably watch their favorite show.

"Coming up next" A mysterious hollowly voice said. "Terrence and Phillip" The TV panned to the comedians dramatically posing, their arms crossed and their backs to each other. The background was pitch black and a light beamed on them casting shadows on their facial features. "take on a feisty opponent." The TV panned to a close shot of chicken glaring at the screen. "In an epic battle." Cue scenes of the two showing off karate moves in slow motion. "Right after these messages!"

Kyle tilted his head and stared at the screen with a face that read, 'What the?'

"Is it just me or is the show getting more and more serious?" He asked, looking at each of them. He got mumbled replies of 'Yeah.' 'Just you.' And 'Shut up Jew.'

Kyle let the last one pass and he sighed.

Mr. Kitty walked into the living room meowing. He sat in front of Cartman, practically begging for attention. "Shut up Mr. Kitteh!" Cartman shrieked abruptly. The cat simply meowed back."No! This is mah cheesy poof, !" Cartman moved the bag of chips he was holding away from the feline, as if the cat was to snatch it from his hands. The other boys ignored the scene, their eyes on the screen.

Mr. Kitty suddenly went cray cray, as Cartman would put it, jumping over everything and meowing loudly. You could say that he was bouncing off the walls. The boys all watched this in silence.

"Bad Kitteh! That's a BAD MR. KITTY!" Cartman shouted at the cat as he jumped on his lap and pounced off.

"Dude." Stan spoke. "What's wrong with your cat?"

"BAD ! BAD!"

Kenny mumbled something and the boys all laughed except for Cartman, who was still scolding.

"I think you need to feed it or something." Kyle said after some chuckles.

"BAaAaAD KITTEH!" Mr. Kitty pounced off into the kitchen. Instantly, the sounds of crashing silverware was heard. Liane came into the living room in a panic. "W-what was that, Eric?" She asked, standing beside him.

"Maybe you need to take him out for a walk." Stan suggested. "That's what I do when my dog gets restless." He shrugged.

Another crash. A bang.

"I think that would be best, Poopskins." Liane gave a shaky glance at the kitchen. She no longer cared what the feline was up to, she wanted him to stop.

"You don't take a cat out for a WALK, meehm!" Cartman said.

"Yes you can, hon." She rushed of and not a minute later, came back with a leash. "Just tie him up and go."

Cartman growled but decided to go with it, he wanted the damn cat to stop too. He grabbed the leash from his mother and trekked off into the kitchen.

Screams of "GET BACK HERE KITTY!" And "REEEWOW" echoed through the house before, finally, Cartman had Mr. Kitty in his clutches. The boys watched him drag the cat out of the kitchen and out the door. He shut the door with a loud slam.

Silence.

"So...can we stay here and watch T.V.?" Stan asked Liane.

"Yes, make yourself at home." She cooed in that sweet voice of boys diverted their eyes back at the TV and Liane went back to her room.

* * *

><p>"GET UP KITTEH!" Cartman once again screamed at him. He was outside his home, trying his best to drag the limp cat. Mr, Kitty was on his side, laying down, refusing to walk. "GET UP!" He put the leash over his shoulder and tried to stomp forward but to no avail.<p>

"YOURE SO HEAVY!" He grunted.

* * *

><p>Look who's talking:<strong><span> RAQUEL<span>**


	12. DoucheBag

Douchebag walked into the fourth grade classroom as Mr. Garrison was talking about how CSI: Miami sucked. He walked into the class room wearing the biggest puffiness jacket ever. He had a scarf wrapped over his mouth. He looked like he was wearing his whole wardrobe. All eyes were on him as he stiffly sat in is seat- except the teacher, who wouldn't shut up.

Douchebag shivered fiercely. Cartman noticed this. "Aw, are you coold, Douchebag?" He pouted. "Not used to SP weather?" The New Kid merely shivered in response.

"Hey! Guys!" Cartman cupped his hands and bellowed. "Douchebag is cold!" Everyone looked at him. Well except Mr. Garrison. He was in his own world. "He thinks it's freezing!" Cartman laughed loudly. "He thinks it's actually cold!"

The class laughed along with him. Because they knew winter was coming and if Douchebag thought this was cold, winter would numb his feet off. Oh, the newbies of this town.

The New Kid stayed silent to whole time.

* * *

><p><strong><span>ANITSYN<span>**: How do they do it?

It's constantly snowing and they are never cold! **:RAQUEL**

**ANITSYN**: Dah Fuck


End file.
